Friday, October 17, 2008

i would give up anything

to be sure..
about love 
life 
friends.


i am so uncomfortable sometimes.
but i like it sometimes.
i hate not having control of what i want.
i want lasting love...


Thursday, October 9, 2008

i want something

effortless..

s o m e b o d y..

my whole life i've always wanted 
a friendship longlasting.. everlasting.

i've always been so jealous of fuckin'
anne of green gables her an her boossom
buddies. whatevvz.


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

you

make me feel safe.
make me feel like i have a home..
in your beautiful heart.

sarah thankyou for your kindness,
i am terrible at expressing my gratitude
in it's entirety.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

stay me/ dreams of better days.

i'm suddenly kind i'm suddenly smart i'm suddenly you. i need a love thats new. heart you fall too easy, take it easy. keep me kind. self-controled. i want to get out of being anti social and become more social.. i guess embrace it.

Friday, September 26, 2008

unexplainable.

at the moment.
i don't like who i am at times.



Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sunday, September 14, 2008

numbfucked.

maybe i don't come out my room on sunday night dinners,
cause either one or ten people out of the 25..
will say something so stupid, that it ruins my whole
self esteem and heart. i would love to spend time with them
more, but i hate having that fear of them hurting me
with their unfiltered words and actions.


i forgive them, cause i know they don't see what i see.
i am just a human here on earth, nothing more
nothing less....i'm just here to love and bring forth what is good?
i do care to extent of what they all think. but i love being me.


i don't want to push away those i love, but it's hard
when they give me no choice..even my friends.
things are just so different for me right now.
i see things a little bit different from the church's and structure
of what everyone loves and knows.
i don't care about the outer appearance
nor who you know, or what you fucking experienced.
i care about you.

(mini story.)

i changed into a dress
after they made fun of me.
for wearing my slacks and dress shirt.
so
i left my slacks and dress shirt on the floor.
everyone and their preconceived notions.
they always feel bad, but i don't care anymore.
turn your other cheek, i guess huh.
i still love, i'm just not as quick to forgive anymore.
everything takes time.
please help me.